It’s sad how you go from intimacy to nothing, cold turkey. I mean, how many people along the way have true meaning in your life? And to suddenly have no contact, after … it’s sad. ~ Boston Legal – Season 4 Episode 2
It’s funny how a line in a fictional TV show can echo your thoughts and make you stop and think about your past and how you live your life. Looking back over the years I have spent in Second Life there is barely anyone from those early days I still keep in contact with now. In fact, there’s only two who are still on my friend’s list – although I can’t remember the last time I talked to either one of them – but I keep them there cos seeing their names gives me a smile when I do remember the “old days” when SL was fun. To those who have disappeared from my SLife, I still think about you from time to time.
Lately I’ve been feeling so lost. Not long ago I lost everything in Second Life. I lost the relationship with a man who had been my best friend, my home where I had lived for many years, my job with the magazines that had been my entire SL for almost four years and with them my income, and I lost myself. I found myself logging in and just standing in my skybox not talking to anyone and not doing anything. For someone who was a confirmed workaholic, this was hell. The silence was deafening. Even worse was losing someone who had become almost like a sister to me. I’m still trying to figure out what happened there. Surely she didn’t cut me from her life just because I took a little too long to reply to an IM, right? That loss hit me hard.
Most of us came to SL to fill some void in our lives, whether its loneliness, an outlet for our creativity, looking for love and romance, or just some fun. For me it was to experience a life I could never have with my (then) online love. We’d been together for about 18 months before Second Life and speed bumped over another 18 months before calling it quits once and for all. There have been a few more online loves since him, but none have ever lasted. I don’t know if it’s me, or just the pressure of it being online and having to deal with not only distance and limited communication, but everyone around you dipping their oars in too. You cannot have a relationship with anyone in SL these days without everyone having an opinion on it, whether they say it to your face or you find yourself splashed all over social media, your romance the topic of gossip and ridicule. It makes it hard to trust and hard to be open to anyone. You just don’t know who is saying what about you behind your back. Expecting people to be grown up and just leave you alone to live your life really is expecting too much. Everyone deserves love, and no-one has the right to judge or belittle anyone for who they find it with.
But I’m finding myself again. I have surrounded myself with some good people, found some things to do to occupy myself with and I’m slowly moving back into my happy place. That’s what we all want after all, isn’t it? To be happy.
And it’s not too much to ask on your birthday, is it?.
Jordan Whitt is 5 1/2 years old in Second Life. She has been a stripper, a club manager, a blogger, but for most of her Second Life she has been Editor in Chief of two inworld magazines – Icon Lifestyle Magazine and Too Sexy Magazine. These days she still blogs, when she’s not bored and posting skanky pics on Flickr, and can be found helping out friends who need an extra hand.
Behind her is Emily, who is a bit depressed because today she is no longer able to lie to herself about being in her mid-30’s as today she turned 39! Originally from England, she has lived in New Zealand for the past 12 years.
Anyone who talks to her long enough soon finds out there is little difference between Jordan and Emily. Jordan just has black hair and hazel eyes, whereas Emily is a blue eyed blonde. Other than that, you’ll soon realise she is exactly as nuts in her first life as she is in her second!